Welcome to Floor 13
by Nelliezabini4
Summary: Really random one-shot I just felt like writing...Harry and Sweeney get stuck in a really creepy, small elevator together. Lots of weird randomness...but hopefully it's pretty funny :  some language and of course violence  Sweeney Todd after all ENJOY!


**Okay, so this is just a really random one-shot I did for the fun of it because I'm done with finals and I really just wanted to finish something!**

**But don't you worry! My other stories will soon be updated because I'M FINALLY FREE! and that makes me HAPPY!**

**WARNING: INSANE RANDOMNESS! like really... So I hope it kinda makes sense...or that you at least enjoy reading it...**

**Much thanks to ALLISON TREZONA! for giving me my prompt for this one! **

**This one-shot was inspired by my school's really creepy elevator... **

**ENJOY! :D and please review! they make me bouncy around for joy! and write more! *hint* *hint* so questions? comments? concerns for my mental well-being? Just random stuff you would like me to know? FEEL FREE! :)**

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><p><strong><span>Welcome to Floor 13<span>**

Sweeney was having a really bad day. It all started when he got up to find Mrs. Lovett gone and he had no blood-less shirts to wear. Then he had to somehow get to America (no one knows how this was possible) so he could give a presentation about Serial Killers to a group of midget High Schoolers. Okay, so they weren't ALL midgets, just the one girl who had squealed at his arrival and proceeded to try and hug the emo-ness out of him.

Now Sweeney had finished with his presentation, having scared all of the little twerps into never eating a meat pie or getting their hair cut again. He of course just HAD to decide to take the elevator, because OF COURSE nothing could ever go wrong with that. MUAH HA HA HA HA!

Harry was enjoying himself immensely. He had promptly been surrounded by his adoring teenage fans the moment that he had entered the hallways of Naperville North High School. The class that he presented to was quite enthralled by his speech, especially when he turned this tall girl wearing a home-made-dark-mark shirt's hair bright purple. She had promptly fainted and upon waking refused to have him change it back.

Now Harry had finished his presentation, having astounded everyone by his awesome magic-ness and brilliant green eyes. Now Harry made his way to the elevator that would take him to the ground level of the school. Because of course nothing could ever go wrong with elevators. NEVER.

Upon entering the elevator Sweeney noticed that it was small with cream-ish metal walls and was over all quite creepy and claustrophobic. He pressed the bottom for Ground Floor just as a boy with dark shaggy hair strode around the corner. _Please close, doors, please close!_ Sweeney thought. He really did not want another person in this creepy elevator with him. But of course the world must really hate Sweeney because just as the doors began to shut the dark haired boy slipped through. Then the doors shut completely.

Sweeney made sure to stand as far away from his elevator companion as possible as the elevator began to move. To his surprise it seemed to take a long time for them to go down one floor. Then the elevator stopped and he waited for the doors to open. They didn't. "What the-" Sweeney growled. Then the lights went out.

"OWW!" Harry yelled, "That was my FOOT you stepped on!" Harry glared angrily at the darkness where he assumed Sweeney stood._ Everything was going to great_, Harry thought, _and now I'm stuck in an elevator without any lights with a creepy guy that seems to have a liking for red paint._

"Not my fault these bloody lights went out." Sweeney grumbled. Then the soft emergency lights went on. _Well this is just brilliant,_ Sweeney thought. Because of course EVERYONE knows that when the emergency lights go on, then you're going to be in that elevator for a very long time.

Harry, who really had no idea who this creepy man was because he obviously couldn't be a student, decided to break the awkward silence. "So, who are you exactly?" he asked tentatively.

"Sweeney Todd." Sweeney replied, "Although you might just know me as the Demon Barber of Fleet Street." Harry shook his head, HE had never heard that name before. Sweeney sighed, "Or not. And who are YOU? You go to this blasted school?" Sweeney growled.

Harry just laughed back. "No, I'm Harry Potter." He said smugly, ready for the cry of joy and astonishment. It never came. "The Chosen One?" Harry ventured. No reaction. "The Boy-Who-Lived?" Still nothing. "The Boy-Who-Just-Bloody-Won't-Die?" Sweeney just looked at him in confusion. "You've really never heard of me?" Harry asked in shock. Sweeney shook his head no. "Well that sucks."

"I can't believe you've never heard of me either. I mean I AM one of the MOST deadly and messed up serial killers of my time. Of course Jack normally steals all my spot-light." Sweeney grumbled, glaring at Harry as if it was all his fault.

"Oh, so you know Jack Sparrow too? I though you looked a bit like him." Harry said, missing Sweeney's glare and eye roll.

"No you idiot of a boy. Jack as in Jack-The-Ripper. The London murderer. Maybe that rings a bell?" Sweeney said.

Harry just shook his head. "Anyways isn't this a WONDERFUL school. The kids are so nice and awesome and they all love me!" Harry crooned. Sweeney just looked murderous and reached for his razor. BUT IT WASN'T THERE!

"WHAT?" Sweeney growled, looking down at his nifty razor-holder. Yup, to his horror his razor was missing. Then he remembered what he had done right before getting on the elevator. The last he had seen of his razor was it sticking out of some sparkly Vampire's throat. There was a reason Edward Cullen wasn't on that elevator after all. Sweeney muttered something about "Vampires don't even sparkle" under his breath.

"Huh?" Harry asked. "What'd you say?" Sweeney just rolled his eyes in response and kept his mouth shut tight. "Well, I do believe that I should be able to magic us out of this stupid thing soon anyway."

Sweeney snorted. "MAGIC us out? What are you some kind of super hero?"

"Actually I'm a wizard. I even defeated the darkest wizard around; Lord Voldemort." Harry said, looking smug.

"Well if you're such a good wizard then where's your wand? Huh?" Sweeney said smirking, before he remembered that smirking is not quite as good as brooding. So he went back to scowling and brooding at Harry.

"It's right-" Harry stuck his hand in his pocket to whip out his wand. But his hand only met air. HIS WAND WAS MISSING! Right then and there Harry almost had a full-blown panic attack. But then he remembered something… "Awwww, shit!" Harry said, although he still for some odd reason sounded quite bright and happy, even when swearing.

"What? You're actually not a wizard and not as annoying as I think you are and you're going to go away and leave me alone before I kill you?" Sweeney said hopefully, before going back to brooding again.

"No!" Harry said gaily, "I just remembered that I left my wand with that drunken sailor Jack Sparrow. You see I had just conjured him about a thousand bottles of rum so that he couldn't follow me onto this here elevator, and that thief must've snatched my wand. And I really thought that he was too drunk to be his normal thieving pirate self." Harry finished with a sigh. "Oh well, at least we've got each other!" He exclaimed happily, eyes bright and shining.

Sweeney glared some more. "Oh joy." He said sarcastically. Then he tried to hide in the corner of the creepy elevator and hope that Harry would forget that he was there and leave him alone before he got even more blood on himself. Unfortunately this creepy elevator was only ten feet by eleven feet and was so small that there was not possible way for Sweeney to hide in the corner. Really sucks for him.

"So, Mr. Todd, what do you do for a living?" Harry asked, oblivious to his elevator companion's irritation.

"Well," Sweeney Todd growled, "normally I just shave people and then kill them because I hate the world and this sick and stupid judge played by Alan Rickman decided to ruin my life and rape my wife and marry my daughter and then rape her too. Oh and after the people are dead my crazy neighbor who lives below me bakes them into pies because she is head-over-heels in love with me, while all along I really just want to kill her but I can't." Sweeney said as quickly as he could. He looked at Harry hoping to see an expression of horror, terror, or fear on his face. He was not expecting a look of complete and utter awe.

"Wow your life is so terrible." Harry said in amazement. "My life is so completely and utterly boring compared to yours."

"Well what's your life then?" Sweeney growled out through gritted teeth. He really hated having to interact with this damn annoying boy. But he figured that at least if the kid was talking then Sweeney himself wouldn't have to. This way he could plot. Evilly. MUAH HA HA HA! *ehem* *cough* *cough*

"First off my parents were killed while I was a baby and this really evil dude named Lord Voldemort tried to kill me. However, I am obviously too awesome to be killed by some random evil wizard, so his killing curse in fact did not kill me. Instead it killed him! Or at least it destroyed his body. Then for eleven wonderful years I lived with my uncle, aunt, and cousin, and I had to live in a cupboard under the stairs where my only friends were spiders. Then when I was eleven I got this totally awesome letter that said I was a WIZARD! And then I went to school and got my very first FRIENDS! School was all very fine and dandy and I almost got killed like ten million times, but I always managed to somehow survive life-threatening injuries because I am just that awesome. Then in my seventh year I finally got to go camping for the first time in my life, which was just THE COOLEST thing EVER! Except while we were camping we had to find these horcrux thingies so we could kill the evil dude and that was really hard. But then I finally killed him and saved the world. A few years later I married my best friends sister, which isn't weird at all even though right now as I talk to you I'm only about 16. My two best friends married each other and we all had lots of children…or at least our wives did. Although this whole time I've had this feeling that I really was supposed to end up with some else. Someone with pretty grey eyes and blond hair and who…" Harry shook himself out of his reverie. He smiled as Sweeney looked to be enjoying his story, so hard was his look of concentration on Harry.

"Yes, yes very nice." Sweeney said absentmindedly. _I wonder if I could just strangle him to get him to shut up. But then they might find the body and see he was strangled. Well they DO already know you're a murderer, you've made no secret of that. Yah and they STILL haven't done anything about it. But then again he IS supposedly the savior of the wizarding world, whatever the HELL that is. Maybe they'd miss him. Oh come on Sweeney! It'll only be ONE more kill, I mean what do they expect from you with your track record?_

"Uh, Mr. Todd?" Harry asked, not liking the murderous look on the man's face.

"Huh? What? Oh sorry I was just thinking." _Maybe I could just stab him…_ "What about that Lord guy you were talking about? Tell me more about him." Sweeney said. _Yes, maybe I could just find something sharp that just happens to be lying about in this creepy elevator. Like a machete, or chainsaw. Yah a chainsaw would be nice…_

"Oh well Lord Voldemort isn't really that evil. Like he says he is, but he's really not. I mean COME ON! He has a diary, a ring, a locket, a tiara, a cup, and an unhealthy obsession with me. It was OBVIOUS that he just really really wanted me, and I even told him so. Of course he just snarled and tried to act tough, but I saw right through it. I mean seriously I am pretty dang sexy and awesome. Even the so-called 'Death Eater', although really he wasn't ever one, Draco Malfoy is obsessed with me. So I would TOTALLY understand why Voldemort would be, but he just would not admit it. So then I was all like 'Come on Voldy we could totally like go out for drinks or something.' But then he was all like 'but I can't be seen with you what would everyone think?' and then I was all like 'but you're like the Dark Lord, you can do whatever the heck you like!' and he was all like 'Even like snogging you?' and I was all like 'Yah' and then he was all over me, but it was kinda creepy because he's like old and I was like 15. But it was okay because he was no longer all snaky like he used to be and he had like really nice hair. So then…" Harry went on happily.

Sweeney grimaced to himself. Would this boy ever just SHUT UP! Sweeney sincerely doubted it and he wasn't sure he could resist the killer impulse in himself much longer. Especially if the boy kept on blabbering on like THIS. But then of course there was still the slight problem of Sweeney having no sure-fire way of killing this stupid boy. He could always just kick him in the head, but this WAS the boy who had survived a killing curse, whatever the heck THAT was. Then he could always strangle him, but there was always the problem of not squeezing tight enough and of the boy trying to get away. His stabbing plan had come to no avail because in this creepy elevator there were no handy sharp killing instruments on hand. I mean there wasn't even one single butcher's knife. What kind of creepy elevator doesn't even have one measly butcher's knife?

"And then we like had to fight in front of the whole school, which was weird cuz like the day before we went out to dinner at this muggle restaurant called Angelies. So I was all like 'You don't have to do this Tom!' and he was all like 'I have to kill you boy there's no other way!' and I was all like 'Why?' and he was all like 'Because then you can become a Vampire like your dear friend Cedric, or should I saw Edward Cullen!' but then I was all like 'You LIE! He's a sparkly fairy princess! Everyone KNOWS Vampires don't sparkle'. And then Edward appeared and was all like 'SPARKLE!' and Voldy and I were all like 'AAAAAHHHH!' and then I accidently cast a killing curse at Voldy and then he was all like 'dead'. Do you think he's going to be mad at me, cuz it was like totally an accident? And anyways how was I supposed to know that he would get killed by a stupid killing curse? I totally thought he was like this invincible Dark Lord. But everyone was so happy that he was dead, so I kinda just had to go with the flow. So then I married Ginny cuz like that was what was always supposed to happen and we had some kids cuz that was also supposed to happen. Although I don't think we were supposed to…"

Sweeney was dying. Yes he was positive that this boy was slowly but surely killing him. Either that or he was already dead and this was Hell. _Yes,_ Sweeney thought, _this would definitely be what Hell consisted of. Nothing more than this boy slowly torturing me with his endless happy stories and his bouncy and *shiver* bright ways._ Now since Sweeney is of course a killer, he decided that it was about time for his to kill someone. I mean really, how is he supposed to go over 24 hours without at least killing one person? It isn't HIS fault that this stupid wizard just happened to be stuck in an elevator with him. Nope, not HIS fault.

"So, Harry." Sweeney said, interrupting Harry's happy monologue. "How do you feel about strangling people?"

"Well, that's a very strange question Mr. Todd. I don't really think people sh-" He was cut off by Sweeney grabbing his neck and squeezing hard. _YES!_ Sweeney mentally shouted._ I did it! Soon he will be dead and I'll be able to THINK for once!_ Sweeney almost did a little happy dance, but then he reminded himself that Harry wasn't dead…yet!

_What the heck is this guy doing?_ Harry thought. _Hmmm…maybe he wants a hug? No that's not it. His squeezing is hurting a little. Maybe he wants to snog? But Voldy normally didn't squeeze my throat, he normally just squeezed my…hmmm he is squeezing a bit harder now. Ouch that's gonna hurt tomorrow…oh look pretty black dots…_

Sweeney was grinning in joy. The boy was weakening in his hands, and Sweeney could tell he would soon be dead.

The with a BING! The elevator's doors slid open. "Welcome to floor 13" a women's calm voice said. Outside the doors was a group of people, all watching in interest as Sweeney slowly let go of Harry's throat. Sweeney looked out at the people, the majority of which he did not know. He did however, to his disappointment, recognize Edward Cullen (_HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!_), a very drunk looking Jack Sparrow (_WOW he DOES look like me!_), and a man who looked suspiciously like Judge Turpin (_but why in the world is he dressed so outrageously in all black, and that horrible hair too?_).

_I do believe he IS like Voldy_, Harry decided before putting his mouth on Sweeney's. Sweeney then fainted in shock and disgust. Harry laughed, as did the group of people as Harry stepped out of the elevator.

"Who's that Potter?" a voice from the crowd shouted as the owner of the voice stepped forward.

"That, Malfoy, is Mr. Sweeney Todd. He's supposedly a serial killer, very terrifying, but I don't believe him." Harry said. "And please, call me Harry." He shot a smile at the blond boy, who smiled back.

_Oh, so THAT'S what he's been missing_, Sweeney thought. _CRAP!_ Sweeney fainted again at the sight of the midget girl who had hugged the emo-ness out of him.

_YES!_ The girl thought. _The elevator of doom strikes again!_

**THE END**


End file.
